Leaving Home the Art of Separating From Your Difficult Family
Scrierea este una concisă, strict la problema abordată, nu abundă de termeni psihologici, totul este relatat pe înțelesul fiecărui cititor. "Ne întrebam adesea cum de un tânăr puternic, aparent sănătos, depinde ca un sclav de părinții săi; dacă am sonda Personalitatea sa, am vedea că, în fapt, ea aparține stadiului de dezvoltare specific unui copil de 6-seven ani. Lipsa de afectivitate cu care s-au confruntat în copilăria timpurie îi ține blocați pe acești tineri într-o adolescență (sau copilărie) prelungită, nepermițându-le să se dezvolte normal.
D.P. Celani ne explică mecanismele de funcționare a personalității, ne invită în culisele inconștientului și ne arată rolul familiei și cum influențează relația părinte - copil întreaga viață a viitorului developed.
Fiind "în nevoie", ei nu pot înțelege cât de inutil este să aștepte pe viitor iubirea și sprijinul familiei.
În loc să își înceapă viata pe cont propriu, ei rămân legați din cauza dependenței de familia de origine, ostilă și negativă, în speranța că la united nations moment dat li se va oferi sprijinul emoțional necesar continuării dezvoltării personalității."
The writing is actually often awkward, poorly, or not fifty-fifty, edited. For case, it'south at least fifth grade grammer to know when to use "a" vs. "an"; sometimes the punctuation is wrong, and sentence construction poor. Yep, not cracking from a writerly attribute, but great, great, great in terms of explaining and showing how emotionally and/or physically abused children are damaged by their damaged parents. I think this is an excellent piece of work for students of psychology and for therapists to read. And, certainly, great for adults who want to heal from amercement caused by damaged parents. That is, if it sinks in; if you aren't so damaged that you cannot assimilate, absorb, and understand what Celani explains. This is certainly a possibility. It's called "denial". Boy, denial is a powerful defense. It sustains damage(southward). Anyway, information technology's simply gamble and bad, or expert, luck that nosotros have the parents we take. Then, if your parents suck, no need for "Why me?" or "What did I do?" or "What am I doing wrong?" These feelings adult when you were very young, a developing, helpless child (I guess from the moment yous are born and slowly develop consciousness of being). Guilt and need go deep, very deep, mode downward to our unconscious level. Understanding this is the fundamental to knowing how damaged parents proceed to control you and undermine your personal and psychological growth. Some parents are worse than others; some adult children have the backbone to see their parents for what they are, some don't. That's really what it takes, courage. Some parents are so damaged, it's better to have no contact at all. Other times, the adult kid will be fine if she/he has limited contact. It'southward very difficult, horrible, to be constantly criticized (bitched at), cruelly demeaned, ridiculed, blamed, or raged at, permit solitary physically abused. But don't take it personal, because, really, it isn't. Your parent(south) is/are damaged and it'southward that impairment talking and acting out. Some people are and so horrible to be around, even when they are very quondam, feeble and helpless, that no ane can stand up them, not adult children nor paid caretakers. That'southward pitiful for the damaged person, actually lamentable. Except, they are incapable of understanding this. These people don't feel because they are so damaged. They are shells on automated pilot. Information technology's you who hurts, not them. All they need and want is to control, then why allow them to control you with guilt? Equally for anyone who wants to heal, all the self-help books, workshops, latest craze in cocky-healing is useless if one remains isolated. Cocky-help groups (on-going) and/or individual therapy offer(s) support, with the goal to strengthen you so y'all can seek out and replace displaced loyalty and attachment to failed parents. You lot take to form attachment(s) to healthier people. A damaged person has to integrate the separate selves which develop when raised by seriously dysfunctional and damaged parents: the wounded self and the hopeful cocky. The wounded self rages and wants revenge; the hopeful self is blind to the dysfunctions and remains loyal and attached. Joining special involvement groups is advised, making connections outside your own self, connecting with the outside globe. Maybe you like hiking, or photography, or gardening, or music, or discussing literature, biking, bowling, whatever. The healthier you are, the healthier choices you volition make, and the more continued to the world yous will feel (and be). I guess even introverts sometimes need to be effectually other people. (I'm introvert, myself.) I found this book empowering.
Although the author appears to be an excellent psychotherapist in terms of his results, unfortunately he seems largely unable to translate his insights for the reader in this piece of work. The book completely fails to evangelize on its goal of "outlin[ing] a quiet and reasonable program for the reader who is interested in separating from his or her family unit," including "the steps that assist ane to succeed at this hard psychological endeavor." In fact, 95% of the book is spent outlining the Object Relations Theory schoolhouse of thought on why abused and neglected children would nevertheless be attached to their family of origin, despite continued abusive handling, and describing case histories illustrating these theories. His descriptions of successful psychological treatment of some of those individuals are conclusory rather than explaining in any depth or detail the true emotional struggle that comes along with achieving separation from an abuser. The remaining 5% nigh seems an afterthought, throwaway list, in extremely abbreviated fashion, "success stories" for a few of his patients, whose case histories were described and then much earlier in the book that (at least this) reader was unable to remember the details of their stories. Still, I did find the Object Relations Theory give-and-take of the relational dynamics in dysfunctional families to be very helpful and interesting, especially the typical defenses used past children to enable them to tolerate an abusive state of affairs which they cannot escape, and get as many of their needs met every bit possible despite the abuse or neglect. And, I liked that he is mostly careful to avoid demonizing any person in particular. So, I feel it's still worth reading for those parts specially since it's such a short book. Unfortunately, I haven't read other works on this topic so I don't know how it compares. It also desperately, badly needed a proficient editor to eliminate repetitive writing fashion - including nigh identical sentences appearing inside the same paragraph, or one or 2 paragraphs later on they showtime appear (east.g., compare give-and-take-for-discussion sentences get-go paragraph 4 on page 5 and paragraph two on folio half dozen). Yikes! Columbia University Printing, what gives?
I read this book accidentally when I worked in a library. It had fallen off a book truck, and I got sucked in on the commencement page. I never thought of myself as having a bad family, but information technology was useful to read because he talks about family dynamics in a useful way. Many of the examples are families that are very dysfunctional, but some of the examples are of families that aren't quite so horrible. Notwithstanding, he does provide insights that are especially useful for dealing with family unit relations that I found worked well in whatsoever situation. It's a short read and not hard to read either, and when I was washed reading it, I was really moved and felt like I had profited from the author's piece of work. I'm not into "self-help" type books, and this certainly isn't really "self-assistance", but information technology was very empowering and insightful.
Even though I actually liked this book, I take to say I felt it was lacking concrete data on how-to serparate oneself and feel skillful about it. After reading the book, I can now appreciate why it'southward necessary and that I shouldn't feel guilty about choosing to seperate...but I felt the volume focused heavily on examples of those who demand to physically seperate themselves. In fact, I'm pretty sure all of the examples involved children who's parents were physically involved in their mean solar day-to-day lives.
This is i of those life-changing books that I recommended to a friend, who recommended it to anybody he knows, and so on. It'south well-written and well-researched.
Different so many self-aid "gurus" who encourage us to sweep the past under the rug and magically "forgive" and reunite with our negligent, abusive, or abandoning family members, Celani is sane, practical, and reasonable. Without demonizing people with inadequate or absent-minded parenting/caregiving skills, he provides guidance for those of us who are meliorate off when nosotros have limited or no contact with our families of origin. This is one of the nigh useful self-help books I have ever read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Recommended past my very constructive psychotherapist, this volume has helped my understanding of my own behaviour enormously. I now feel like I accept options, rather than feeling helpless because of my seemingly inexplicable excessive attachment to my dysfunctional (and hurtful) parents. To clarify, I have a lot of experience with explanations of dysfunctional behaviour and attachment theory (as a curious long term patient), but this information has explained a lot of problems that directly chronicle to my adult human relationship with my parents. I add that clarification for people who may believe that, since they are already familiar with personality disorders and attachment theory, this volume has nothing to offering. I want to actually emphasise that it is worth the read. I recommend it to anyone who struggles with their connection to their parents, potency figures, therapists, partners or children. You lot don't have to nevertheless be living with your parents to get a great deal of insight and help from this book. I'thousand very grateful I read this. In response to other reviews: aye, this volume is poorly edited in parts (mainly grammar, some spelling/missing words) only I don't recollect that that should be a gene in rating the content.
Curt, realistic, and insightful read. I am amazed and grateful for the depth of analysis the writer goes through, by providing existent life examples of the patients. And what amazes me the virtually is the accurate predictions of the rationalizations and defenses emotionally starved adult children will employ. - lot of them I deny. The concept of the wounded self and hopeful self are crawly. For me particularly, I did non know the agin impacts of hopeful self constructs an illusion of promise or love. I also appreciate the author's incredible honesty which warns the abused developed children to forgo the hope of seeking justice, revenge, compensation, or imagined love from the parents who take non shown much evidence in the by few decades. The acceptance of this helps me to understand that there's an manner out, and that I absolutely need to let go of those illusions so as to not waste the fourth dimension-limited rest of my life.
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